I'm so glad God answers. I've been praying for months for Him to make His presence more obvious to me.. not because He isn't fantastic and big and awesome.. but because I'm sometimes just too deaf and blind to notice.
It is sometimes hard to spend all your waking hours with peers who are not in love with Christ. Even if they are often caring and funny.. without Christ behind their actions it just isn't the same. I think that's where a lot of my troubles are coming from. I spend all my time trying to be a light to others, when sometimes all I want is someone to be a light for me. But that's a side effect of working long hours and not spending enough time with my family and friends.
Today turned into one of those hard days at the end of our second shift. The others were all angry that we had to stay a little later to break down the setup for a party and no one was being shy about it. I tried very hard to focus on God in all of this (I'm sure I looked like a lunatic staring through things as I worked, probably visibly muttering His name over and over for support). My temper has been far too short in the past for me to take any opportunity for an outburst for granted.. which is why when things get tense if I can't fall to my knees I just repeat, "Father, stay with me. Help me out" over and over and over. It helped me, but didn't seem to help anyone else. A lot of frustrated, rude words were shouted.
I was a little discouraged on the drive home, wondering why sometimes it's so hard to love people. Why sometimes people do not care how much you love them but choose to wallow in self-pity and contempt for others. But God never promised it would be easy to bring Christ to others.. He just says we are to do it and leave the results to Him.
A few minutes after I walked in the door I got a text from one of them. (Note: we do not talk outside of work, and she certainly has never said she loves me. And apologies are unheard of with this bunch.) She apologized for being rude (not her exact word, ha ha) and ended with "i love you!". It's a little thing, but it meant a lot for me that God worked on her heart to release her anger, even if just for one night. And that He chose to reveal that work to me through something as simple as that text message. It was all the encouragement I needed. Through an 8-word text message from a co-worker, God conveyed
"I love you."
"You are not crazy for trying."
"Tomorrow will not be awkward or angry despite all upset-ness tonight."
Thanks for being obvious for me, Father.