Sunday, December 26

wish upon a star it snows again tonight

"It Snowed" by Meaghan Smith

It snowed it snowed it snowed it snowed.

I woke up this morning to soft thuds on the roof.  I stuck my head out the front door (don't tell my mother I opened the front door in my pajamas).. lo & behold, it was snowing!  Real, big snowflakes swirling in a gentle wind, covering the yard, the parkway, and the little gold bow on our lamp-post (a la The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe).  It was the perfect final touch to a beautiful Christmas weekend and made for a beautiful drive to church.

I had a lot of time to reflect and pray this Christmas.  The bank was open on Christmas Eve and D is scheduled until tomorrow evening at the site. I didn't want to leave him alone in Macon, so there was no trip to Florida, New York, or even Macon.  After our early celebration with dinner and presents after work on Christmas Eve, I've been mostly alone this holiday.  It's a first for me.  I've spent the past 23 Christmases before this one with my loud, crazy family in a little house on a base in Guam or in Virginia or Florida.  (Thank you, Navy childhood!)  

After making a glaze and prepping the ham for his work Christmas lunch (4:00 a.m. came really early Christmas day), I had some time to think and worship God on the anniversary of His arrival on earth as a man.  He's given so much to us, and we so often forget to be grateful.  We live as though our combined incomes are barely enough to get by, as though the gift of these jobs wasn't quite good enough, but thanks anyway for the thought, God.  We have the nerve to let ourselves feel just a little ashamed that we couldn't put more gifts under the tree for each other this year, with wedding expenses and student loans looming.  

It's insulting, really.  I wonder that God puts up with me at all.  Every time I worry about the future or wish my paycheck was just a little bit bigger.. I'm basically opening His Christmas gifts to me, smiling politely, and saying, "How thoughtful!" while mentally putting them aside and wondering why I didn't get something "better".  As if I know better what I need than the creator of the universe.  Reality check, A.  

This year, my offering to Him will be a grateful heart.  One that strives to live without fear.. to be so full of love and gratitude to Him that there's no room for fear or discontent. That is the best I can do, and He certainly deserves that.  

Merry Christmas to all!  

P.S. Here's a sermon I found through one of the (in)courage bloggers I follow.  I watched at 5:00 a.m. Christmas morning and it was a good way to start a day of reflection & prayer.  It's called "Luke Warm & Loving It" by pastor Francis Chan and it will open your eyes for sure.  

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